Mastering Difficult Conversations: A Heart-to-Heart with Michele Phillips
Difficult conversations. We all dread them, yet they're an inevitable part of life, especially in the workplace. But what if we could approach these conversations with more confidence and even find them rewarding?
In a recent episode of the "Love as a Business Strategy" podcast, host Jeff Ma discussed this very topic with Michele Phillips, President of Key Performance and author of "Happiness is a Habit." Phillips, a seasoned executive coach, shared her wisdom on navigating difficult conversations with grace, empathy, and a focus on positive outcomes.
The Power of Connecting Head to Heart
Phillips emphasizes the importance of approaching difficult conversations with the right intentions. It's not about "winning" or proving a point, but rather about connecting with the other person on a human level and seeking a resolution that benefits everyone involved.
"When you put love, when you connect your head to your heart and you're having the conversation for the right reason, people feel that," says Phillips.
Climbing the Emotional Ladder
Before launching into a difficult conversation, Phillips advises taking stock of your own emotional state. She uses the analogy of an "emotional ladder," with negative emotions like depression and anger at the bottom and positive emotions like love and joy at the top.
If you're feeling angry or resentful, it's crucial to take a step back and work your way up the ladder before engaging in a conversation. This might involve taking a break, talking to a trusted friend or coach, or simply taking some deep breaths.
The Power of Non-Resistance
What if the other person is the one stuck in a negative emotional state? Phillips suggests adopting a stance of non-resistance.
"When you're able to stay in the love space, you can't attack someone who's not attacking you back," she explains. By remaining calm and empathetic, you can often de-escalate the situation and create space for a more productive conversation.
Overcoming the Fear of Personalization
One of the biggest hurdles to having difficult conversations is the fear of taking things personally. Phillips encourages us to question our assumptions and challenge our stories.
"Is it true?" she asks. "Do I have any proof?" Often, we create narratives in our heads that may not reflect reality. By questioning these narratives, we can gain a more objective perspective and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Building Trust and Avoiding Resentment
Avoiding difficult conversations can lead to a buildup of resentment and mistrust, damaging relationships and hindering productivity. By addressing issues head-on, teams can foster a culture of open communication and mutual respect.
Tips for Tackling Difficult Conversations:
- Start with self-awareness: Check your own emotional state before initiating a conversation.
- Choose the right time and place: Ensure a private and comfortable setting where both parties can speak freely.
- Focus on "I" statements: Express your own feelings and perspectives without blaming or accusing the other person.
- Practice active listening: Truly listen to understand the other person's point of view.
- Be open to feedback: Be willing to hear constructive criticism and consider different perspectives.
- End on a positive note: Reaffirm the importance of the relationship and express your desire for a positive outcome.
Want to learn more about mastering difficult conversations?
- Check out Michele Phillips' book, "Happiness is a Habit."
- Listen to the full "Love as a Business Strategy" podcast episode.
- And of course, grab a copy of the "Love as a Business Strategy" book!
